I am that woman who dresses like she has her shit together but is standing in a supermarket carpark frantically looking through her handbag, throwing tissues and a purse to the ground desperately looking for her car key that she was only holding 2 minutes previously. The one stood like she owns her World but can’t remember where she needs to be next without setting an alarm reminder on her phone, the one with immaculate lipstick but has hairs sticking out her chin, the one who has tears pricking at her eyes but hides behind her sunglasses, the tears caused from not only loosing her car key but the tears of a woman scared she is loosing her mind, but she will smile at you as you walk past. That woman, she is me.
I’m not sure when it happens, I can’t remember waking up one morning and realising I was never going to be sat on the young beautiful people table at a wedding, but shoved on table 19 with life’s other anomalies. There’s a shift within you that sees fear and worthlessness in everything you do. When you hit that age you are walking into the next phase of your life and when that door is firmly slammed shut you have to work out what the hell happened to the woman who powered through life shouting ‘Fuck You’ while juggling children, a husband, a full time job, a house, a degree and a social life. Looking back the expectation on us is heavy, the pressure is overwhelming and it is no surprise we have to break before we can be reborn.
It’s a time to embrace the next phase in our lives, this chapter is about an awakening within you, now the ovaries are redundant and oestrogen levels plummet, you have an opportunity to become curious, a wanting to learn new skills and have an overwhelming desire to use your hands creatively, this primal urge to re-create yourself is the siren within you calling. Your circle of friends diminishes to those that truly have your back through the desperate lows and the giddy highs, these friends are your pack, they know you, they understand you and most importantly you have reached an age when you can sniff out a fair-weather friend at 20 paces!
A positive is you do not sweat the small stuff that ship has sailed (unless you loose your car key!) I recently listened to a podcast for Happy Place with Fearne Cotton who was interviewing the brilliant Holly Tucker, Holly said something that literally stopped me in my tracks, in fact I wrote it down, ‘we have 29,000 days on this planet everyday is a countdown’. So you beautiful people let’s start making every day count, throw away the shitty stuff and let’s find some happiness.
7 thoughts on “This is Me”
This is a wonderful true account of feelings and fears. I can’t wait for the next instalment.
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Thank you x
So bloody true
Remember your keys could possibly be in the carrier bag that you put away 2 weeks ago, and having to take the bus as it was the only key.
Love the open honesty and looking forward to the next
That was one of my spectacularly bad days!
Thank you x
Love it……and never a truer word spoken xxx
My keys are sometimes found in my fridge. That”s on a good day, mind.