When do we reach the age of Queendom? The age of the Queen is in my opinion reached once we give no fucks and start collecting inane objects and swap our dressing to impress clothes for comfort and support wear that will see us through our Queen years. Caitlin Moran writes about the ‘Hags’ in her book ‘More Than a Women’ and I would have to disagree with the term hag, which conjures up witchiness, although the witches were the wise women in their villages, I think we should honour our ageing, the changing of our bodies and minds as we evolve into the hierarchy of Queendom.
You don’t wake up one morning with a crown and know you’ve arrived at Queendom, it’s a slow burn of realisations, of changes and lets be honest many of those changes we don’t always want to celebrate, brain fog, loss of libido, the pain in our joints, but there is also so much to celebrate. The lack of fear for things that would have turned you to drink years before, for me it was learning to swim, the fear of water was so great that I blankly refused to even step into the water for many years, but then I realised the ridiculousness of my fear, after all humans do swim so I threw my fucks to the wind and got myself swimming lessons. I tend to over rationalise my fears with a question…what is the very worst thing that could happen to me? And my go to answer to this question is death, which according to a counsellor I once saw was too extreme an answer and wasn’t rational, but I’m an all or nothing kind of woman my brain seems to thrive on extremes when faced with fear, my fight or flight mode runs head on into trouble. I now love the water, even though my swimming is still pretty weak, my over riding fear has gone, I still call out to my husband when we’re in the sea and he swims off, ‘can you stand up there?’ he thinks it’s hilarious to sink down and all I see is his hand.
Sitting and reflecting on this, the knocks life throws at you are usually bigger than the fear itself. By the age of Queendom we have usually lost people who are close to us, battled teenagers who hate us, watched our friends fall and helped raise them back up, gone through emotional and physical pain that would have the patriarchy running for the hills. We have learned strength, not the going to the gym kind of strength but the inner core strength that lights the path of giving no fucks because you have walked the road of burning hell and have survived. Once you have reached this stage you wear the crown you are a Queen.
I love the name one of our Womenkind Collective (podcast) gave his age of becoming and knowing, a Queenager. I wouldn’t want to return to the angst of my teenage years, the years of loathing yourself, anxiety ridden, fear of not fitting in but wanting to stand out, having to wear the right clothes, smoke to appear cool and never have that inner calm. Calm and the ability to be still and sit with yourself is one of the most amazing gifts we can give ourselves, to soothe the soul with just being is a gift, a gift I wish I had learned in my youth.
For all the women that reach the age of Queendom and become a Queenager I hope you find your calm and wear the most comfortable clothes, kick off those killer heels and get those flats on, be your own creation and embrace the next chapter in your life and become the best Queenager you can be.